


ne m'oubliez pas

by seigyoku



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Gen, Idk how to tag things, M/M, Mild Gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-05
Updated: 2014-02-19
Packaged: 2017-12-25 16:07:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/955103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seigyoku/pseuds/seigyoku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>in which levi and eren are reincarnated.<br/>eren does not remember --<br/>but levi does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_**i.** _

_“Eren!”_

With a quick flick of his wrist, Levi landed deftly on the ruins of the wall. Eren's green cloak was torn, dyed a sickly brown color from his blood, and a deep wound ran down between his shoulder blades straight through the Wings of Freedom. He could see bone through the opening, blood flowing and staining the torn Recon Corps emblem crimson and black. Levi quickly ran towards him, desperation echoing with every step to the steaming mess of Eren's discarded titan body.

"Cor...por...al."

Levi fell to his knees, carefully but firmly grasping the younger man's hand. The damage was here too: the tips of Eren's fingers were dulled to the bone from the impact, blood dripping down Levi's wrist and staining him crimson as well.

Levi couldn't bear to look at Eren's eyes. The boy had given up all hope. The eyes that had once shone with conviction and determination under a glaring sun and overbearing walls even while tears were streaming down his cheeks, and with passion and clarity in the dim light of candles while desperately trying to muffle his cries, were now a dull turquoise. His lips parted in a slow, ragged breath and Levi slowly leaned down to listen to him. "We .... did it."

Eren's eyes flickered upwards to look at him, half-smile gracing a face that was not yet lined with age but had seen decades of horror in just 15 years, and for a split second Levi believed that there was a chance.

"Yes, Eren, we did it. You-" Levi choked, trying to breathe evenly but drowning at the same time. "You fought the hardest. And-"

His hand reached down to caress the boy's cheek. "I'm proud of you."

The soft hiss of the steam from Eren's wounds was slowing down to a whisper, and for the last anguishing seconds of his life, the light had returned to Eren's eyes. "Thank you... Corporal," he breathed out, his hand relaxing in Levi's grip. Alarmed, he grasped tighter at the hand slipping out of his as if somehow his strength, his life would transfer into Eren.

"Corporal," Eren whispered. Levi bent down closer, the world a blurred palette of dark red, tarnished green, and faded gray as he strained to hear Eren's words.

"You... promised to kill... all the titans... right?"

Levi slowly nodded, bracing himself for the boy's last request. Eren chuckled, a soft, cracked remnant of the sound that once echoed in dining halls.

"You're not ... done ... yet."

Slowly, Eren's eyes glanced at the horizon, at the sky, at the ruins surrounding where he lay, and finally at Levi.

"So... Levi... please."

Eren's eyes welled up with tears, but shone with the familiar conviction that Levi was so familiar with, as he dictated his last request.

"Please kill me."

Levi understood. He understood the boy's twisted logic, his ideals, his stubbornness, his lifelong goal and battle against himself. The boy had been saving the last of his life just to tell him this. But even if he wanted to carry him in his arms and return him to the safety of the walls, to convince him that they would be able to see the outside world together once he got better, Eren had made up his mind and Levi would never be able to sway him. After all, no one in this world could break this boy’s will, not even the world itself and all of its cruelty.

Gently, Levi turned Eren's chin upwards and kissed him. It was brief but lingering, his lips stinging more than the wound on his cheek as tears flowed into it -- it was a goodbye.

He stood up, clicking the last blade on his 3D maneuver gear into place.

Levi stooped down to turn the boy onto his back, as if he were resting peacefully on their bed, he positioned the point above Eren's heart.

He didn't need to hear the words to know what Eren's last words to him were.

He knew from the look in his eyes and from the soft curve of those lips as he plunged the tip of the blade in.

He knew as Eren's eyes fluttered shut and as blood spread from the torn green cloth.

He knew because he whispered them back in the silence of the newly liberated world.

_"I love you."_

\---

Hundreds of comrades had died before his eyes, hundreds of them cremated in stacks of bodies or limbs, and yet none had ever made Levi feel this empty before. He was used to it. That was the norm in the Recon Corps: new recruits and old members alike, one day they would be corpses. Levi understood. He could list names of squadrons, of the members that had cycled through, yet none rang so clearly in his head as the one name that belonged to the boy that laid in his arms right now.  
 _Eren Jaeger._  
\---

He dropped his blade. The clatter of the dulled steel was unnervingly loud in the ruins, but Levi no longer cared. _He’s dead_ , Levi acknowledged, as he straightened up Eren’s cloak. _He’s dead._   
He unfastened his gear, numbly staring at the two inch gash on Eren’s left breast. He didn’t flinch as the metal hit the ground with a loud clang.  
Levi bent back down and lifted the boy easily. He was still warm. But there was no quickening pulse, and no matter how many kisses he trailed down Eren’s cheek, the familiar sharp intake of breath never came.

_He’s dead._

Levi couldn’t feel his body. He felt detached. He felt empty.

He felt dead.

\---

_“Corporal, did you know that somewhere out there beyond these walls, there’s something called the ocean?”_

Levi was glad that the last of the fighting had traveled far past the walls as he stepped into the cool, briny air. He wasn’t sure how long he had been walking but it was now morning, and the body in his arms had long gone cold. Levi stepped through the sand and absentmindedly watched as waves lapped at his boots.

_“There’s so much water that it extends beyond the horizon!”_

Sure enough, dark, churning water was the only Levi could see. He glanced down at Eren, and walked away from the waves and gently set the body on the white sands.

Quietly, he placed the firewood around Eren’s body. The sun was barely shining, the sky a dull gray from the cloud cover. Levi kneeled, eyes tracing over the boy’s features one last time, before he stood up, brushed the sand off his knees, and lit the pyre.

He couldn’t watch, so instead he looked at the ocean, the body of water that went farther than the eye could see. Levi could almost hear the boy excitedly saying, _“They say the water has salt in it! So much salt that not even all of humanity could use it up.”_

He traced the line of smoke upwards and looked at the sky.  
“Eren, I hope you’re watching this because it was a damn hassle to get here.”

Finally, with the roar of the waves and the soft crackling of the fire there to drown out his thoughts, Levi lets himself cry.

\---

Levi never returns.

\---

“Eren.”

“You always talked about the outside world, and turns out all those stories are true.”

“I remember you the tales of being born again in another world.”

“Maybe those stories are true too.”

“Eren.”

“Let’s meet again next life.”

\---

Humanity had barely won the struggle, as nearly all of the soldiers had been killed in action. The last standing remnants of the walls were filled with names, the names of those who had struggled and held their blades strong even through fear and unfavorable odds.

The names of the handful of Recon Corps soldiers who had fought in the last battle were inscribed on a  dilapidated face of Wall Maria.

 

 

_DECEASED_

_Commander Irvin Smith_

_Squad Leader Hanji Zoe_

_Mikasa Ackerman_

_Armin Arlert_

_Sasha Blaus_

_Jean Kirschtein_

_Connie Springer_

These were the soldiers who had led the titans away from the walls and fought them at even more of a disadvantage, but prevailed. These were the soldiers who had fought to their last breath and triumphed.

These were the soldiers that lay in peace now as humanity slowly rebuilds itself in an entire world now free for them to explore and settle. These were the soldiers that had fought for freedom.

\---

Legend states that humanity’s strongest soldier, Corporal Levi, and humanity’s last hope, Eren Jaeger, are still alive. Their bodies were never found, perhaps lost to time and the elements, perhaps spirits now watching over the fate of mankind. Regardless, the two live on through the stories of old.

Their perseverance, their dedication, their strength, their hope -- these are the truths humanity remembers be it in times of strife or in times prosperity. These are the heroes that will live on eternally, transcending the river of time against all odds.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first fic for shingeki! this idea was rattling around in my head for some time so i had to write it  
> i haven't written in a really long time ahaha ...  
> i'm also trying to get a hang of writing levi ;;  
> anyways, if there are any dumb grammar mistakes (probably a billion because a+ 5 am writing), please let me know!  
>  **edit:** tracking the tag **fic: ne m'oubliez pas** on tumblr c:


	2. Chapter 2

_**ii.** _

Levi wasn’t sure when he started having the dreams, but each and every time they depicted the same events. A boy too young and too full of life dying in his arms and by his hands, a hopeless world of cruelty, a stale triumph, an endless horizon churning, and a handful of scattering ashes. The dreams came in bits and pieces, like shards of glass, each one too vivid, too sharp yet hauntingly clear and painfully beautiful. Sometimes he was lucky and the recurring nightmare was replaced by something brighter. He saw skies bounded by colossal walls, heard the soft sounds of sweeping and scrubbing, and watched freshly-washed sheets swaying in the wind, but most importantly Levi saw _him_. Levi would always be chasing him, broom in hand, running as faster at every backwards glance and peal of laughter.

“You shitty brat,” he would hiss, “you’re getting dust on the laundry!”

But the boy would just flash another grin as he waved Levi’s cravat in the air and ducked under more sheets. "If it really bothers you that much, you better catch me first!"

But Levi was never able to catch him in these dreams--

He always woke up right as his hand was reaching for the boy’s shoulder after swiflty sprinting through two bedsheets, hand outstretched and ready to tackle him. Even if Levi tried to go back to sleep the dream would not return, his hand uncomfortably empty and cold, missing the fingers that used to fit so perfectly with his.

 _He_  would not return.

\---

Levi was beginning to think that he was mad, suddenly dreaming of this nameless, faceless person who seemed too real to be a figment of his imagination more and more often. Whenever he went into town, out of the corner of his eye, Levi always caught brief flashes of teal but when he looked again, there was nothing.

But one day, as he traveled from his manor into the town to run an errand, Levi saw him. Rather, the boy had bumped into Levi after he stepped out of his carriage, took his coin pouch, and ducked into an alleyway.

“Stop, thief!” his guards shouted as they prepared to chase after the boy on horse, but immediately Levi halted them with a quick wave of his hand as he sprinted into the same alleyway.

It was like he was living in his dream, chasing after those telltale eyes. The boy was ten years younger than the one in his dream, but there was no doubt that this was the same person.

At last, he had found _him_.

“Eren,” Levi breathed as he turned, following after the sound of light footsteps and the jingle of coins. “Eren.”

The boy was headed towards the entrance of the alleyway, and light from the street flooded Levi’s vision.

He was almost there, his hand was reaching for the boy’s shoulder, the boy had cast a fearful glance over his shoulder, then dashed into the street and then-

A horse neighed, bucked, the driver of the carriage shouted at the boy, the sickening sound of bones being crushed echoed, and the next thing Levi saw was crimson.

_He’s dead._

Levi was numb, expressionless as he picked up his coin pouch from the corpse. The horse had stomped on the boy’s spine, right between his shoulder blades. His tattered, worn tunic was slowly turning a muddy red from the blood, reminiscent of a world long gone and buried by the ages.

Yet again, it was like he was reliving his dreams, except this time it was the nightmare that had turned into reality. The sordid forest green cloak that sharply contrasted with the blood was now replaced by a thin brown tunic. It was all the same, the spine jarringly white against the too-vivid colors, the eyes, the _eyes_ \--

_“Ah, I’ve failed again.”_

“Lord Levi!”

The last thing he remembered was a quick flash of silver as a knife sank into his back and the world faded to black.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slowly working my way through all these parts/drabbles and editing them ;;  
>  **edit:** tracking the tag **fic: ne m'oubliez pas** on tumblr c:


	3. Chapter 3

_**iii.** _

Each time Levi wakes up, he feels the weight of centuries of memories. They lay dormant in his mind, slowly permeating into his waking thoughts through nightmares. Everyday life in the city becomes unbearable as even the most minute details -- _a merchant selling green carpets, for fuck’s sake_ \-- make him remember. He’s tired, but he must go on. It was his own selfish wish to be reunited with Eren in a kinder world, but he realizes too late and too many lives later that he should’ve wished for happiness too.

Levi doesn’t know where this road leads, he doesn’t care, but follows it. If fate lets them meet too late every time, then Levi will take matters into his own hands and find Eren himself. He doesn’t need the accidental nudges on busy streets, followed by confused sea-green eyes and then his outstretched hand. He doesn’t want to see brilliant turquoise fading to dulled teal yet another time.

He travels for three days on foot before he reaches a small, misty village. Immediately he knows something is wrong. There are no children out playing, all the faces look stricken and tired, doors are haphazardly painted with red x’s. His eyes trace the outline of the buildings until he finds the column of black smoke. A funeral pyre. Levi feels numb. He walks through the village as fast as possible, but only to find himself in a graveyard. The grass is soft and loamy, and the ground is littered minute hills. Grass has not grown back on several of the graves. _An epidemic_ , Levi reasons as he passes a mourning old man laying books and maps on a grave much too small for an adult, _a fever deadly to children._

He pulls his cloak tighter around him, goosebumps rising on his skin not from the cool morning air, but from dread. Levi’s fingers tighten on his walking stick as he passes a woman laying a knife and a faded red scarf on yet another small grave. He reads the gravestone adjacent to it, and cold numbness floods his senses. Like the pull of the waves, the frigid water sweeping sand and bottles filled with unspoken words out towards the endless horizon, Levi is drawn towards the grave. He already knows which name is inscribed on the stone.   
Levi tries to breathe, but he can’t, not when he’s trying to choke back his tears. His fingers trace the letters, a name he has addressed hundreds of unread letters to.

_At least in this life, he has a proper gravestone._

\---

He travels all the way to the ocean that this Eren never had the chance to see either, and brings parts of it back in little glass bottles. The woman is there again, placing wildflowers around the two graves. She watches him as he lays a seastar on Eren’s grave, then the bottle of sand, then the bottle of sea water. Her amber eyes brim with tears as she meets his eyes and whispers, “Thank you.”

She wipes away her tears with the back of her hand, roughened from years of housework, as she asks, “How did you know?”

Levi stands up, brushing the dirt from his knees as he gazes at the misty horizon, the cool ocean air blanketing the sleeping mountains.

He closes his eyes, letting the stream of memories encompass him, and finally replies, “I knew him from long, long ago.”

\---

Together they mourn in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> good news: next part is much longer!  
>  **edit:** tracking the tag **fic: ne m'oubliez pas** on tumblr c:


	4. Chapter 4

_**iv.** _

The next time Levi meets the boy is when they bump arms on the assembly line. Levi shoots a glare at him, but freezes when he looks into those familiar turquoise eyes.

“Ere-” he starts, but the overseer barks out that the pace is too slow. Immediately he returns to the task at hand, deftly re-threading the loom. He doesn’t attempt to talk to the boy again, reminding himself that a pay cut would mean another winter spent starving, and continues on in silence for the next thirteen hours.

When their shift is finally over, Levi tails the boy, watching as he sleepily staggers into the street.

_No, not again._

“Eren!”

Immediately, Levi runs toward him, hand outstretched, and pulls him back to the curb by the shoulder. The automobile splashes the two when it runs over a puddle, but they are both unharmed.

When the boy turns to look at Levi, his eyes are full of bewilderment and gratefulness. Shifting awkwardly so that Levi is no longer gripping his shoulder, he mumbles, “Thanks. You saved my life there.”

Levi opens his mouth to speak, but overwhelming relief washes over him. For once, he has succeeded.

Eren is alive.

“Levi,” he finally answers.

The boy looks at him, puzzled at the response. Levi frowns. _He doesn’t recognize me?_

“My name is Levi.”

The boy beams, and everything feels perfectly in place as he grasps Levi’s hands and leans in too close for comfort.

“I’m Eren!”

“Eren,” Levi breathes out, and the name is like home to him. He’s said it countless times in past lives, but finally, _finally_ they’re both alive for once.

He walks Eren to his house, watching carefully for any automobiles, then slowly counts the stars as he walks to his own house. Levi opens the door, careful to tiptoe around his siblings as he finds himself a place in the crowded room and goes to sleep.

For once, the dreams did not haunt him, visions of crimson, grey, and green, and Levi sleeps peacefully for the first time in many, many years.

\---

The next few weeks are bliss. They spend their fifteen minute lunch breaks together, sometimes idly chatting, sometimes in comfortable silence. Eren does not remember Levi, but he quickly falls into their old rhythm. Even though Levi is younger than him this life, Eren lets him take the lead as they explore the sordid streets of the factory town.

In a strange twist of fate, Levi teaches Eren how to pickpocket. He even lets the older boy practice on him, impatiently slapping Eren’s hands each time he steps too loudly or shuffles around in Levi’s pockets too much. But eventually, Eren masters it and the smile that accompanied each successful attempt was worth the century-long journey. They walk down the streets on pay day with their pockets full of coins and stomachs full from eating a proper meal.

“One day, we’ll be rich, and we’ll get a house by the sea!” Eren grins as he counts out his coins, limbs stretched out on the dirt floor of the abandoned junkyard. He adds the numbers up wrong, and Levi rolls his eyes as he recounts them for the boy. Eren grins sheepishly at him, but murmurs his thanks.

“You can’t buy a house if you can’t even count your money properly,” Levi scoffs as he polishes each coin and places them into neat stacks of ten cents.

Eren pouts indignantly. “But at least I’ll have you to do that.”

Levi briefly stops his polishing before smiling, “Yeah, you will.”

Even if the factory is monotonous day in and day out, fingers worn smooth from repeating the same actions for hours upon hours, at least he has Eren again, well and alive.

For once, Levi feels at peace.

\---

As the skies turn even greyer, thick storm clouds joining the billowing smoke from the factory in painting the city monotone, the air begins to cool. Winter is coming, and Levi grimly counts his coins each night. Even with his younger brothers Auruo, Erd, and Gunther selling newspapers, they don’t have enough money to pay for rent. Petra is too young to work, and they can’t afford to be kicked out to the street, not during the winter.

Even if he goes pickpocketing, using his height to his advantage, at most he can only get one or two nickels before running the risk of getting caught. Nobody in this district has enough money.

\---

Each time he sees Eren, the boy seems paler and thinner than the last time he saw him. Levi sees him quietly cough into his shoulder, trying to muffle the sound but Levi can see it in his shaking hands, his sunken, dulling eyes.

Again he’s given up hope.

For once Levi is glad that Eren can’t count well, and he sneaks in some of his money every day. Each day he sleeps a bit later, running the risks of being caught as he steals more and more to support his siblings and Eren. For once there is something he can do to prevent Eren from dying, and even if it means running on four hours of sleep every day, Levi will do it.

After all, he can’t stand watching Eren die in front of his eyes again.

\---

A snowstorm hits one morning, and the streets are blanketed with vile looking slush, the pristine white snow mixed with the ever-present black mud on the sides of the streets. Levi wrinkles his nose in disgust as he trudges his way to the factory, finally hitching a ride on a passing trolley.

\---

That day, Eren doesn’t come to the factory. The next thirteen hours of Levi’s life are spent in panic as Eren’s spot in the line is instantly filled by some shivering kid, plucked from the street and equally desperate as everyone else.

Levi is reminded from life to life that the world is merciless, a fact that has yet to be proven wrong in his experiences.

Immediately after the shift, he runs down the street towards Eren’s house. He knocks desperately - once, twice, thrice - but no one answers. With growing trepidation, Levi carefully breaks in, and is greeted by the smell of mold and death. In one corner lays a discarded can of meat, completely empty. As he picks his way through the house he’s alarmed by the emptiness. He passes a girl with black hair - Mikasa - curled up in a corner by the fireplace, face pale and no longer breathing. A scarf is haphazardly draped around her shoulders in a feeble attempt to stay warm, but it has long slid off one of her shoulders.

Levi braces himself for the worst.

He turns at the soft sound of someone coughing, and runs towards it. _Eren._

Eren is covering his mouth with his sleeve, but with each cough he quickly glances at his sleeve and takes a shuddering breath.

Rivalle remembers teaching his brothers how to read the headlines on the newspapers so they can shout out the right words during work, and the word is whispered as he crouches down next to Eren.

“Tubercolosis.”

Eren weakly looks at Levi, and nods.

“Must have-” Eren coughs, each one rattling his thin frame, “gotten it from the meat.”

Levi can only nod, powerless again. He can only sit and watch as Eren dies from a cureless disease, staining his hands crimson but with his own blood this time.

“...Levi.”

He looks up at Eren immediately, prepared to fulfill the boy’s last request with all his power.

“Make sure … you become rich.”  
Levi grasps Eren’s hands, ignoring the soft noise of protest from the older boy as he squeezes tightly, the unnervingly warm blood staining Levi’s hands too.

But he relaxes into Levi’s touch, their hands familiarly tangled together as Eren breathes slowly.

“Make sure … you see the ocean.”

With a final exhale, Eren’s head slowly rests upon Levi’s shoulder, and Levi can only watch as Eren’s eyelashes slowly shut as if he has simply fallen asleep.

\---

Levi continues working at the factory. Every night they need to patch up the roof and huddle together in order to stay warm, and they are still short on money for the rent. The gap is in tens of dollars when their pay is in cents. The five of them knew what was coming.

Finally the day came. Their landlord had told them last month that even if they were children and were paid much less than adults working the same job, he wouldn’t tolerate another late payment. They are thrown onto the streets, clothes threadbare and pockets nearly empty.

Their first night out in the cold, homeless, was the beginning of the end.

The siblings’ shoes are worn beyond repair, a mess of holes and fraying cloth. None of them can sleep at night, shivering throughout those few hours allotted for sleep. Levi absentmindedly pats Petra to sleep as she muffles her sobs, whispering that she wants to go home. They all do.

The winter is cruel, dark, and endless to the children.

Day in and day out, they trudge to work in frostbitten feet. They are making enough to scrape by, but they are in debt now for the house.

\---

Levi begins to cough up blood.

Regardless, he still goes to the factory. He can’t pickpocket nowadays since he doesn’t have enough energy to make a quick escape. He feels like his body is breaking apart, from his feet to his lungs, bit by bit every day.

Levi can no longer feel his fingers when he works.

Eventually, the overseer notices the tiny dots of blood on his sleeve and immediately throws him out.

As he stumbles through the sleet outside, the streets unkempt as ever and still as filthy, Levi only has one thought.

_“I’m so sorry, Eren.”_

He slips on ice and the last thing he remembers is a gray, unrelenting sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the more i think about it this is more like a collection of loosely tied drabbles vs a coherent, chaptered fic ahaha  
> probably because this chapter is different from the usual format and a lot longer ;;  
>  **edit:** tracking the tag **fic: ne m'oubliez pas** on tumblr c:


	5. Chapter 5

_**v.** _

They meet on the sandy beaches of Normandy, graced with sheer cliffs reminiscent of the walls. He’s a soldier again, the rattling in his bones coming from the gun in his hand instead of from the footsteps of titans. This life, this decade, this era – everyone is preoccupied by the Great War, the second one to be exact. Propaganda, blatant lies, bright young men returning as digits in a casualty count, patriotic processions -- it is all too familiar to Levi. Again, he had watched as his home was razed to the ground, watched as his comrades had died in front of him.

Levi enlisted in this life, cowardice because he hoped that death would take him first before he sees the name Eren Jaeger on the newspaper in the list of the dead. As he steps onto the white sands soon to be dyed crimson, he hoped that this was not a decision he would regret.

The sky was the same cold grey as the day he watched his countrymen flee from their homeland in boats, on driftwood, on anything so long as they could stay alive and fight. They were ready to seize their home back now, no longer in need of England’s shelter, flag raised proudly as they follow de Gaulle into the fight.

Levi had listened to the speeches and couldn’t help but remember, now of all times as he deftly reloads his gun and watches another man crumple to the ground, the eyes that had told him to fight. Humanity’s last hope, they had called him, and now Levi’s last thread of sanity in this world, his one anchor point amidst the flow of time and people. It doesn’t matter how many lives it will take so long as he finds Eren once more.

Levi sidesteps a dead body – Auruo, he notes as he grits his teeth – and takes aim at a charging soldier. “ _Für Deutschland!_ ” the young man snarls, his grip on his combat knife turning his knuckles white.

Levi almost scoffs at the recklessness, probably some fresh recruit so overzealous in supporting the Reich that he ran out of bullets after being stupidly trigger happy, but then Levi stops. He meets those eyes, the hue of unseen stormy seas, his anchor, his love -- _Eren_. Levi whispers the name, desperate for the flicker of recognition no matter how brief, but this is a war. Eren just sees an enemy Frenchman, gun loaded and aimed at his heart.

Levi has a heartbeat to decide whether or not he’ll live the nightmare again from too many lives and too many deaths ago and kill Eren with his own hands, or if he’ll let the blade run its course through his ribs. _Fuck it_ , he decides, fighting the soldier in him itching to pull the trigger, and drops his rifle at the last moment. He surrenders to fate, to Eren, because there is no place in war for his wishful thinking, his hope that perhaps they can slip away, dodging the fire fights, and live.

Eren is startled – his knife is met without resistance – he catches Levi’s eye – Levi murmurs _Je t’aime_ , never breaking eye contact – he finally sees Levi – and then the colorless sky is the last thing he remembers, followed a too-loud gunshot and the too-familiar weight of a dead body splashing next to him.

\--

Levi wishes yet again that they will be reunited once more and see the ocean together, but not like this, not with his hand desperately clutching Eren’s as the boy’s warmth dissipates in the icy, unrelenting waves.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter again, but i can guarantee that next part is going to be a lot longer!  
> (it might take a while though)  
>  **edit:** tracking the tag **fic: ne m'oubliez pas** on tumblr c:


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaa sorry this took forever to post  
> i think this is longer than the rest of the fic combined whoops  
>  **edit:** tracking the tag **fic: ne m'oubliez pas** on tumblr c:

_**vi.** _

Countless lives later, countless deaths later, Levi wonders if the cycle will ever end. His memory of those vivid eyes, the curve of Eren’s smile against his neck, the way he fit against Levi’s back -- all of the small details he had once taken for granted were slowly fading through the centuries. Levi remembers each life in startling clarity, remembers the chase and the inevitable end, yet somehow Eren is starting to fade from his mind. Familiar faces and names that once had a ranking attached to them appear regularly in Levi’s life -- he had the strange luck of being Erwin and Hanji’s adopted child this time around -- but he was the only one with the burden of memory. There was intuition, of course, the strange sense of ease that Erwin felt around his son, the way Hanji would tip-toe to place the cereal out of Levi’s reach and then pretend to push her glasses up while her shoulders shook with laughter. But in the end, they could not comprehend the faraway look Levi had whenever they took him to the beach on long weekends or the way he would call them by their first names then correct himself with a slight frown.

He seemed too old for a boy of 17, a wandering soul trapped in an era it did not belong in.

\---

The sharp beeping of an alarm clock jolts Levi from his dreams. Lazily, his arm reaches out to bat the snooze button as he peeks at the numbers. The glaring red is almost comforting, a reminder that he’s still alive and that every new day is yet another chance for him to find Eren again. This time, he will not lose him.

He walks to school, the crisp autumn air and musky scent of leaves settling in his lungs with each breath and each step he takes as he wades through the fallen leaves. _Filthy,_ he notes, scowling disdainfully at the bits of browned leaves clinging to his slacks. Levi pauses in his trek to St. Maria Academy, brushing them off. It’s his final year at the institution, and grudgingly the student council president as per Erwin’s request. He has to be in pristine shape when he gives the welcoming speech at the entrance ceremony, carefully reciting the promises of honor, the empowering pursuit of knowledge, and the other overly dramatic goals of the academy. It was straight up flowery bullshit on his part, with some minor edits by Hanji and Erwin as alumni, but the staff had incessantly praised it and Levi didn’t give two fucks as long as he could graduate and finally get free reign to search. But like every year, as he ascends the steps to the podium and into forced applause -- who in their right mind enjoyed listening to an hour of speeches from faculty and the student council at seven in the morning? -- he hopes that somewhere in the audience, a pair of sea-green eyes will be watching attentively.

Levi clears his throat, straightens out the single index card on the podium, and tries to tone down his frown as he addresses the new students. He’s seven words into his speech when he finally finds him, sitting in the back row panting a little breathlessly -- the idiot probably woke up late and ran here -- but all the same transfixed by Levi’s words. But he continues on, breaking eye contact and evenly gazing over the audience until the final ‘ _Gloria_ ’ is uttered as he recites the school motto. Levi lingers a heartbeat longer than usual after the applause dies down, eyes distant and searching for Eren, but steps off the stage in concealed dizziness for the headmaster to make his speech.

“Great job, prez!” Erd stage whispers as he slings an arm around Levi’s shoulders. Gunther grins and raises a hand for Levi to high-five. He rolls his eyes, used to the youthful antics after so many years, and briskly claps his hand to the outstretched palm.

“Tch, can’t you guys see you’re bothering him?” Auruo scoffs, arms haughtily crossed as the four of them shuffle their way to backstage. Behind them, the sound of the choir singing the alma mater echoes, Petra’s clear voice among the sopranos.

Levi lets out a long sigh, but does not shrug Erd and Gunther off like usual. They exchange bewildered looks, Gunther whispering, “Hey, I think this is a new record!” and Erd whispering back, “Yeah, twenty seconds, holy shit?” over Levi’s head. Three pairs of eyes scrutinize him for a few more seconds before Levi crouches forward quickly and watches the two topple over with a yelp and crash into Auruo.

“Wipe those shit-eating grins off your faces, I’m perfectly fine,” he deadpans as he cleans the dust from the podium off of his hands. But in all the years they’ve known Levi, twelve in this life and subconsciously through previous lives, they can see his restlessness, the deepening scowl as his eyes flicker towards the clock.

“I fucking told you guys.” Auruo grumbles, straightening his tie while shooting Erd an indignant glare.

The choir’s last note echoes in the auditorium, and they exit the stage in a flurry of gowns and giggles. Headmaster Zacklay’s deep timbre returns, and Levi’s eyes flicker to the clock again.

He’s finally found Eren again, and there were thirty more minutes left in the damn ceremony. The longer the wait, the more unsettling the feeling in his stomach gets. It’s a strange brand of nervousness, fear almost, that everything was just a trick of the eye and Eren isn’t actually here.

The soft sound of hurried footsteps and swish of the choir gown announced Petra’s arrival long before Auruo’s indignant hiss of, “Petra, you’re late!”

She flicks him in the forehead right where his brows are creased, hands on her hips as Auruo rubs the offended area. “Come on, you know I had choir, and as the lead soprano I had to make sure my girls were exiting the right way.”

Petra’s eyes scan the room, frowning a little at Erd and Gunther huddling over a 3DS in the corner before landing on Levi. “Ah, right!”

Fumbling around in her forest green, faux-velvet choir gown’s sleeves, she whips out a small bottle of hand sanitizer. “I figured that the podium is as dirty as it is every year, so you’d probably want to use this!”

Levi nods, and easily catches it with one hand. “Thanks, Petra.” He relaxes as the cool sensation of rubbing alcohol slides over his fingers, slowly dissolving into the air. Any distraction would suffice at this point. 

Off in the corner, Gunther mutters, “ _Everything_ is dirty by the prez’s standards.”

Gunther yelps when the bottle of sanitizer barely misses his head.

\---

Petra is the only one Levi has explained Eren to, and even then in broad strokes and vague terminology. She doesn’t know that he’s endured the centuries, that perhaps before Eren, had they met in a kinder world, she would have been his bride. She doesn’t know that he has witnessed her birth and death on soot covered streets before, that she is one of the many faces that unnervingly carry over from nightmares to reality.

But her eyes had sparkled, shone with excitement the first time he mentioned the boy, hands clutching at the stack of incoming student applications and crumpling the first few. “Levi,” Petra had breathed at his offhand comment of a boy in his dreams, “I’ll definitely help you find him, I swear on it.”

Levi is glad that she’s back.

Her coffee is the best, anyways.

\---

The five of them return to the stage at the end, standing off to the side and looking important. Petra has changed out of her gown by now, the student council vice president standing to the right of Levi. Their eyes meet briefly and she smiles as she nods her head towards the audience. Go on, she mouths, look for him.

He’s searched the back row, face by face, the headmaster’s words running out along with the seconds on the clock, but Eren has disappeared. Maybe he went to take a shit, he muses in an attempt to calm his own nerves, but he continues to the next row, and to the next. But row after row, he slowly accepts that he simply has to wait just a little more before he can scour the corners of the world yet another time for the boy. Still, even though Levi has known that the cycle would never make things easy for him and every step was already a rebellion against some bullshit about the alignment of the stars, disappointment settles uncomfortably in his chest as he walks off the stage in the midst of thunderous applause.

\---

Two months pass before Levi finally meets Eren again. The student council ends up swamped in paperwork and budgets and everything the staff is too lazy to do since their schedule jam-packed with basking in their own prestige. Levi frequently curses the bureaucracy in the school as he alphabetizes and stacks things in neat, razor-sharp piles, but the busywork lets him forget about the ceremony and the transient shades of sea-green. He has accepted that just like so many lives before, he’s simply searching too hard, jumping at every hue marginally similar to the color of Eren’s eyes. There’s still the restlessness in his feet each time he passes the school office, eyes grazing over the locked cabinets containing the school rosters. He could easily check for Eren’s name but Erwin’s voice remains a cold reminder of the restraints in this era as it has always been.

Levi glances at the time. Petra and Auruo have long biked home, while Erd and Gunther are out buying more manila folders for the council. The room is empty, the setting sun flooding through the windows and painting the stacks of papers on his desk a vivid orange.

Outside, the varsity soccer team is languidly returning to the locker rooms, their slow jog punctuated by sharp whistles and shouts from the coach to move faster. A head of messy brown hair, damp from sweat, catches Levi’s eyes but it disappears a moment too soon. He dismisses it as a trick of the eye; it has happened far too many times before yet he can’t shake off the sense of uneasiness.

He shrugs it off as he locks the student council room, knowing that Erd and Gunther have probably forgotten to return and were probably wandering around in the GameStop next to Office Depot, and strides to his locker.

Levi is halfway down the steps when he hears hurried footsteps behind him and a voice hesitantly calls out, “Excuse me?”

A hand tugs on his sleeve, and the cold grey of Levi’s eyes snap up to meet vivid turquoise.

Levi is speechless.

“Um,” Eren manages, shifting uncomfortably under Levi’s stare. “Where’s the bathroom?”

\---

“Two months,” Levi mutters as Eren hurriedly shuffles to a urinal. “Two months and you still can’t find the damn bathroom.”

“Hey, this school is really big, okay,” Eren protests over the sound of running water as Levi washes his hands a second time, vigorously scrubbing at his fingertips while avoiding eye contact with Eren. It’s clear that Eren does not remember, but he’s alive and well in this life. _That’s what matters, right?_

But Levi is not selfless, far from it. He’s nowhere near the perfect council president Auruo and Petra make him out to be, not even close to Erwin and Hanji’s image of him. He’s selfish: he forced Eren to live over and over again through the centuries just so Levi could embrace him again, make Eren his again.

He wants to be the one to take Eren to the ocean and watch as his eyes reflect the hue of the sky and sea at the same time, to be the boy’s first kiss again, to be the only person who knows how Eren’s eyelashes flutter shut as he trails--

“--you okay?”

Levi snaps out of his reverie.

Eren’s face, is too honest, too close to his as the boy waves a hand in front of his eyes. “Hello?”

Levi’s eyes flicker upward, tracing the line of Eren’s throat, following the curve of his lips and the slope of his nose. He wants to memorize everything about the boy, reacquaint himself with every bit of Eren he loved. He meets Eren’s eyes, and it takes all of Levi’s self control to briskly turn to the paper towel dispenser and answer the boy a few heartbeats late. “I’m fine.”

The one thing that is consistent about the boy in every life is his persistence, and it’s present now as Eren frowns and follows Levi.

“No, seriously, you were washing your hands for like five minutes.”

Levi turns away from Eren and cautiously opens the door with a paper towel before quickly tossing it in a nearby trashcan.

“I said I’m fine, brat.” Levi doesn’t bother holding the door open for him.

Eren shrugs, hooks his thumbs in his front pockets and ducks out the door before it can close on him. “You still look pretty out of it.”

He chooses not to respond to that, instead opting to steer his thoughts away from Eren’s lips, turning too fast away from him and teetering a bit on his toes. He’s finally found Eren after too many years of waiting in this life only to near-daydream about their first life, the immutable, lost past.  
But Eren will always be confrontational, an incorrigible aspect of the boy as his eyes glint with determination. This time he catches Levi’s wrist and his touch is electric against his skin.

“Seriously, though, you look like you’re going to faint.” Levi turns away uncomfortably as Eren scrutinizes his face, taking in his perpetual dark circles from his merciless, unrelenting dreams-- no, memories.

When Eren presses his forehead against his, Levi finally lets out a long overdue hiss of, “The fuck are you doing?”

Eren stares back at him, teal eyes inches away from his. He meets his stare evenly, and replies, “Don’t worry, my dad’s a doctor.”

“And that explains why you grab total strangers and invade their personal space?” Levi manages to say, looking away uncomfortably the moment the word ‘strangers’ leaves his mouth because they are far from it, and he wants nothing more than to make Eren remember everything, one touch at a time.

Their foreheads are still pressed together and he can feel Eren’s brows scrunching together in frustration. “No, I meant that I know what I’m doing and I know what fatigue looks like when I see it. That and you look like you have a fever.”

He makes a non-committal grunt, slightly relaxing against the taller boy, and Eren suddenly pulls away as if he has finally realized how long they’ve been in the position, cheeks lightly dusted with red.

“So what’s your diagnosis?” Levi drawls.

Eren looks back at Levi and his eyes are unnervingly focused on him before turning away and replying, “You’re perfectly fine. Just make sure you go home and rest.”

Levi nods, and turns to leave, the fading sunlight’s orange glow quickly fading away into dusky blue.

“Thanks, Eren.”

His eyes snap up to watch Levi’s receding back in confusion and shouts, “Wait, how did you--”

But his interjection falls on deaf ears and a smile hidden behind the cuff of the uniform blazer.

\---

When he gets home, he’s greeted by hot pink post-it notes with hastily scrawled writing haphazardly slapped across the refrigerator door and a sheet of legal paper taped on the kitchen table. Both of them are working late tonight, it seems. The words don’t fully register until he reaches up and brushes his forehead where Eren had touched him. _Fuck it, it’s been too long_ , he finally decides as he drops his school bag to the floor and slides down his locked bedroom door.

His hands are still warm, the image of Eren’s lips and wide eyes still fresh in his memory. Levi wonders if Eren is more graceful this life, wonders if the boy’s fingers would shake with anticipation as they unbuckle his belt and clumsily unbutton his dress shirt, wonders if he would mouth the button of his pants and sloppily unzip them with his teeth. Levi’s fingers mirror the movements, eyes closed and imagining that it’s Eren touching him. He hastily pushes his trousers down and palms his erection through his briefs before shoving them down to his ankles as well. Levi exhales as his fingers curl around his shaft, leaning all his weight against the door. Images of Eren, forehead slick with sweat from soccer practice and lips slightly parted from panting, flash through his mind as he jerks off. His hand speeds up, twisting at the tip and thumbing the slit just as Eren would have. Levi comes all over his hand with a moan muffled by his sleeve when he remembers how Eren looks when he climaxes, eyes nearly closed, sea-green darker by two shades, haggard breaths pushing their way past his red, swollen lips, and arm flung across his forehead, fingernails digging into his palm. 

Levi breathes, head resting against the door. He remains there for a few more seconds, eyes still closed and envisioning Eren beside him but his cell phone buzzes and Levi is snapped back to reality. He sighs, and wipes his hand off with tissues. _The fuck am I doing with my life._

\---

Levi does not expect Erd to walk -- no, limp in on crutches on Monday, dark circles prominent, signature grin too forced, slight traces of blonde stubble, and Gunther missing from his side.

Levi immediately stands up, and Petra follows suit from her table. Three sets of expectant eyes follow Erd’s uneven and heavy steps as he settles down on his chair with a sigh.

“We were in a car accident.”

Petra’s gasp is still audible despite being muffled through her hands and Auruo gracelessly drops his stack of papers on the table. Erd’s right foot, the one that isn’t encased in a cast, is tapping restlessly, eyes distant as he gathers his thoughts.

“Gunther’s probably going to be hospitalized for a while since he sprained his neck and he has a lot more broken bones and I just, I should’ve saw that car I--”

Erd’s foot stops tapping and his fingers angrily curl into the grip on his crutches. Levi silently walks over to Erd and rests his hand on the boy’s shoulder. He keeps forgetting that these are not the hardened, experience-worn troops too used to watching their comrades’ ashes scatter and fade into the wind, that they are, again, children stumbling through the tribulations of the world.

“He’s alive, Erd.” He tightens his fingers as reassuringly as he can on the shaking shoulders beneath his palm.

“That’s what counts.”

A pause, a broken inhale, a soft sniffle muffled into un-ironed, wrinkled sleeves.

“You’re both alive.”

The rest of the day continues in silence save for the crisp turn of pages and Auruo’s quiet exhale of frustration as he slides yet another tissue box towards Erd across the table.

They’re all alive, and that’s what counts.

\---

He should’ve expected Eren’s temper to carry into this life as well, and he certainly should’ve expected the damn brat to get detention for fighting with Jean Kirstein. The two seemed to be fundamentally at odds unless something was threatening their lives and like many other times, Eren had thrown the first punch in response to something Jean said.

What Levi doesn’t expect is Petra’s eager footsteps followed by the sound of dragging feet echoing down the hall barely five minutes after school. Usually Petra arrives first, then Auruo out of breath from running all the way across the campus from his last class to the student council room, then Erd and Gunther. But the room is emptier -- silent -- nowadays, Gunther’s absence noted through the lack of crude jokes and exchanges between the three boys punctuated Petra’s hissed reprimands. The room is filled not by another person, but by the sharp scratching of pens and clicking of staplers as papers are shuffled around and filed into manila folders.

The footsteps crescendo as they near the room and the door is haphazardly thrown open.

“Pres!” Petra beams, slightly out of breath but still chipper. “I’ve found someone who can fill-in for Gunther!”

Levi turns in his swivel chair, barely looking up from the current stack of papers on his desk. Petra has done this a total of four times in the last few weeks, mostly out of desperation since the workload is at its highest during these months and the absence of an extra pair of hands has only exacerbated their exhaustion. None of the replacements were competent, and he sees no reason to believe why this one will be any better.

Levi grunts, pen still hurriedly writing as Petra’s footsteps come closer. He listens to the sound of her swivel chair being dragged from her desk to his and the soft thump of the new candidate sitting down on the proffered chair. He listens as the candidate inhales sharply and mutters something under his breath, and finally Levi looks up and his vision is dyed sea-green.

Eren’s eyes are wide in surprise, and surely so are Levi’s before he turns quickly to Petra and shoots a questioning glance. A small smile is playing on Petra’s lips as she quickly clears her throat. “Eren Jaeger here was supposed to go to detention after school, supervised by Mr. Dawk, but Mr. Dawk was not present so I took him here instead with Headmaster Zacklay’s permission.”

Levi leans back in his chair, a strange sense of relief coursing through him as he observes Eren. The boy is playing with loose threads on the hem of his blazer, foot restlessly tapping on the chair and eyes trained on the floor.

“How long?”

Petra’s knowing smile widens even more as she says, “For as long as you deem necessary, Pres.”

At this, Eren’s head snaps up, and panic evident in his face before he turns to Petra. “Wait, this isn’t a one-day thing?”

“Well--”

“I’m on the soccer team! I can’t go to practice if I have to sit here and do whatever you guys want me to do for an indefinite amount of time. I--”

“You can come after practice,” Levi cuts in. Eren still looks uncertain, the set of his brows indicating that there were protests left unsaid but the authority in Levi’s tone is unmistakable. Eren concedes to Levi.

Levi leans back in his chair, suddenly tired -- he had meant to approach Eren on his own terms but Petra was always eager to help and he has always been a bit of an opportunist -- and casts a quick glance towards Eren. “Hey brat, surely this is better than dealing with Dawk’s shitty lecturing, right?”

The grin Eren flashes back makes everything worth it.

\--

 _Or so I thought_ , Levi mumbles under his breath as Eren fumbles with the copy machine for the fifth time. It took him a good hour to get the boy familiar with the cabinets (which were clearly labeled for fuck’s sake) and to wrap his head around the various forms (“No, you can’t use pencil on these. No, you can’t use white-out. Are you writing words or random shit because that is illegible.”) but with each failure Eren only became more determined. _It’s nice to know that the energy he put into killing titans can be applied to paperwork_ , Levi muses. He recalls the quiet days spent at the headquarters after his squad’s death, hands ghosting over Eren’s and correcting his grip on the blade handles with minute pressure from his fingers. _Let’s see if a similar teaching method will also get him to understand how the goddamn thing works._

Levi argues to himself that this is, in a sense, punishment for the younger boy as he stands next to Eren and slides his hands under the boy’s.

“W-what are you--”

“Shut up and just let me show you how to do this. I don’t have all day to teach you how to use a goddamn copy machine.” Eren’s mouth closes shut with a soft click of his teeth and he stands just a bit straighter, eyes intently focused on the copy machine.

“Open the lid and line up the paper with this arrow,” Levi murmurs, hands moving to his words. Eren is hesitant to move, hands rigidly hovering over his.

“Close the lid, and then make sure you print in black because color toner is expensive as fuck.” Eren nods stiffly.

“Press this big-ass green button,” he shifts so that his hands are on top of Eren’s instead, “and hold the lid down so you get a clear copy.”

The machine whirrs and he presses down on Eren’s hands, fingertips slightly interlocked. The boy makes a strangled noise and hurriedly looks away. Levi doesn’t have to look to know that Eren’s face is flushed, eyes comically widened. The noise from the copy machine as it prints are enough to fill the silence and keep Levi’s thoughts from wandering into centuries past, of clattering metal as blades are carelessly discarded on the ground and belts are unhooked and haphazardly shrugged off.

He steps away from Eren, lingering for half a second too long after the machine is finished, and inspects the paper.

“This is what it should look like.”

“Now do it again.”

Eren is frowning, mouth open again to object and Levi narrows his eyes. “You should be able to do it, unless you weren’t paying attention to me.”

“I--”

He closes the distance and lowers his voice, “Do you need me to teach you again or are you competent enough to use this damn machine?”

Eren straightens his back, eyes determined as he says in a voice just slightly too loud, “I can do it.”

“Then show me.”

\---

Five crooked copies, three blurry copies, and a total of twelve wasted sheets of paper later, Eren finally succeeds at making a copy. “I did it!” he shouts, though Auruo shushes him halfway through his victory cheer from his desk. The smile on Eren’s face is too bright, too earnest, the vividness of his eyes even more apparent when they’re shining.

Levi pushes his hair back from his right temple, exhaling before clapping him on the shoulder. Eren flinches from the contact, but easily relaxes into his touch.

“Congrats,” Levi deadpans, refilling the near-depleted paper tray. They’ve wasted too much paper in the span of an hour, mostly because of Eren.“Now take those shitty copies and recycle them when you empty out the bin.”

“Yes, sir!”

Eren strides over to the red plastic bin and easily hoists it up. He’s halfway out the door before he leans back in, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. “Um, sir?”

“What.”

“I don’t know where the dumpsters are.”

Levi closes the paper tray with a brisk shove and looks towards Petra’s desk. “Watch the door for me.”

“Roger, Pres!”

The grin Petra shoots back paired with a thumbs up only makes his headache worse.

But even if the centuries have changed and they have all been reborn again two thousand years later, some things never change, so Levi takes the chance Petra has given him.

Perhaps things will end as they did two thousand years earlier.

\---

Everything is eerily parallel, Levi notes, down to the vermilion glow the setting sun casts on the hallways, reflecting crimson in Eren’s hair. The hallway Levi envisions -- no, _remembers_ \-- is a cold, dull pathway of stone, and the light is from dying embers instead of the sun. They’re missing colors in this palette, the impeccable white of their uniform pants or the emerald green of their cloaks, carelessly slung over one shoulder, and the handful of sky blue with centers of golden yellow in Levi’s coat pocket.

Once again, they’re alone and walking towards a tangible location, but their footsteps are cautious, atmosphere heavy with expectation. Neither talks, but expects the other to do so.

Eren’s gaze is transfixed on him, almost as if he is searching for something in the set of his jaw or in the steely grey of his eyes, something farther away. Levi has drafted sentences in his mind, idle words to break the silence, but they’re discarded before they make it past his lips.

Instead, he leaves the boy to his thoughts and crosses his fingers in his pocket, hoping that Eren will remember at least his name.

They pass by the gardens and the sweet scent of rosemary filters in through the windows. It’s a new scent, nothing like the moldy musk of the basement corridors of centuries past or the stench the of adolescent bodies that the hallway usually smells like.

Levi decides it’s a good omen.

\---

“We’re here,” he sighs, flinging the door open. The dumpsters are located in the back of the school, perhaps too unsightly for the rest of the academy’s alabaster walls. Levi concurs: the dumpsters are disgusting and no one seems to be capable of tossing the trash or recycling properly into the bins. But even here, the scent of rosemary and lily of the valley permeates the air. He strides towards the dumpsters for a few steps before he realizes Eren hasn’t followed him.

He turns around, finally noticing the boy’s expression. Eren’s brows are furrowed, eyes murky green and troubled. The bin is on the ground, shadow distorted by the gravelly pavement and the red plastic is unsettlingly bright in conjunction with the sunlight. Levi feels uneasy at the expression. Perhaps he was too forward today, too eager to elicit reactions from the boy, it’s been too long, maybe --

“Have I met you before?” Eren whispers, as if he were talking to himself. Levi freezes, his breath caught in his throat and mind racing for answers, bracing himself. After all these centuries, not once had Eren remembered him. He had long accepted it as an immutable fact that Eren would not remember him. But even then, Levi found himself falling in love with each and every one of them no matter how short their encounters were. In a sense, it was an immutable fact that Levi would always love Eren even when death parted them at every encounter.

The slight chance that perhaps, _perhaps,_ Eren remembered is enough for Levi: two thousand years of waiting and searching, two months of holding back, and something in Levi has crumbled and his arms are around the boy.

“Yes,” Levi breathes, too shakily, too relieved, not yet fully sure if this is yet another long dream that ends in a waking nightmare. He expects Eren to push him away, after all they’re strangers in this life, but Eren’s hands grip his shoulders tightly, pulling him in.

He doesn’t realize that Eren is crying until he feels the boy’s tears on his neck. Alarmed, he pulls back a bit, but Eren hugs him closer.

“I --” the boy chokes out, breaths shallow against Levi’s ear, “I know I’ve met you somewhere, I can feel it, but I just can’t, I can’t -- “

“It doesn’t matter how much you remember,” Levi murmurs into his shoulder.

This time Eren fully pulls away, face turned away from Levi. “But it does matter,” he grits through his teeth,  fists clenched at his sides. “It matters to me. I-- It’s like I’m missing something, like half of my life just comes up as a blank in my memory. It’s just --”

Eren leans forward, fists unclenching, head resting on Levi’s shoulder. “I don’t even remember your name,” he whispers, voice thick with emotion.

Levi can feel the boy’s heartbeat thrumming against his right chest, his own heart beating too quickly on the left. He thinks of dim hallways flooded with ruby candle light and the blue of forget-me-nots tucked behind Eren’s ear and of unspoken words pooled in the boy’s eyes and in the part of his lips, and Levi decides to take a chance. He took one in hoping for a kinder world for them and he’ll take one again, this time hoping that they will finally drown in each other’s arms and not in the cold embrace of death.

He caresses Eren’s jawline, watching each erratic breath before his thumb rests on the brunet’s chin and Levi promises, “I’ll make you remember.”

He pauses a moment longer, taking in the sight of Eren’s dark eyelashes fluttering shut before he tugs the boy’s chin down and their lips meet. Even if it means teaching every vowel of his name through his lips, teeth, tongue, Levi doesn’t care so long as Eren will remember that his heart belonged to him centuries ago and belongs to him right now.

The kiss is feverish and Levi doesn’t hold back. Eren is overwhelmed at first but his soft gasps of surprise are cut short by the press of Levi’s lips against the corner of his mouth, his bottom lip, his cupid’s bow, everywhere. Levi’s fingers slowly work their way into Eren’s hair, fingertips gently kneading his scalp and the sensation elicits a sigh of contentment from the younger and Levi presses in. His tongue maps out Eren’s mouth with barely any resistance -- he feels Eren’s knees buckle as he holds them closer and closer together, craving more contact as Eren’s hands fist in his blazer. They break away gasping, Eren’s breath hot against the tip of his nose and heartbeat just as noisy as his own.

Levi barely has time to glance into Eren’s eyes before he catches the determined flash of sea-green and Eren crashes their lips together again. This time Eren takes control, aggressive and searching, as his teeth hastily graze against Levi’s bottom lip. Levi’s hands trace down Eren’s spine, letting himself lean forward as Eren pulls him closer and closer through his kiss, his hands resting on his shoulder blades.

Eren pulls away suddenly, eyes bright again with tears but at last, the familiar warmth in them has returned. He lets out a breathless chuckle before he rests his forehead on Levi’s. His eyes are closed, but when they open again Levi’s breath catches in his throat and Eren gazes into his eyes, sea-green meeting stormy grey. “Levi.”

His hands reach up to tuck some of Eren’s hair behind his ear, the familiar blue missing in this era but the motion familiar as Eren leans into his touch. “Say it again,” he manages as Eren embraces him, his arms feeling like home again.

“Levi,” Eren whispers against his neck, lips curling into a smile. Eren is still crying, but Levi doesn’t care any more.

_He remembers._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah i haven't written explicit stuff in a reaally long time ;;  
> i'm terrible at estimating, so the next chapter is epilogue-ish or maybe there will be more ahahaha  
> bonus points if you caught the fic title and sort-of flower language in this chapter


	7. epilogue

“Isn’t it weird?” Eren asks out of the blue. They’re lying on the Eren’s bed, homework long forgotten and binder paper littering the floor. Seven weeks have passed, detention long forgotten and replaced by clandestine kisses behind the bleachers and the student council filing cabinets.

Levi rolls over to face the brunet. “What is?”

“Us.”

“If being reincarnated a fuck ton of times and the making out after probably ten minutes of actual conversation, then yes.”

Eren huffs, “You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Then what?” Levi shoots back, fingers carding through Eren’s hair. Eren sighs, presses into Levi’s touch.

“You know, how we kind of just know each other, and I don’t remember everything but,” Eren shifts to sit up, hand gently resting on Levi’s heart, “But I feel like everything isn’t real sometimes. You’re too good to be true, Levi, you’re too good for me.”

Levi reaches to intertwine their fingers and lightly kisses each of Eren’s knuckles. “Shitty brat, that’s my line.”

Eren’s eyes soften, but they still are focused on the bland white ceiling. “I still want to remember everything, every detail. I--” he turns and determinedly gazes into cool grey, “I want to remember you.”

“Trust me, you don’t want to,” he replies dryly, thinking of silver knives and busy town streets. He thinks of the bloody war in which they first met, officially acquainted when Levi’s boot met Eren’s jaw. It was their first era, with long nights spent in empty castles and the ashes of their comrades fresh on their cloaks each time they rode out the walls.

“Just like that,” Eren murmurs. “You’re always remembering someone, the past me. When you look at me, it feels like you’re looking at ten different people through my eyes and I just--” he tightens his fingers around Levi’s, “I want to love every single iteration of you, too. I want to remember what made me fall in love every time and every single detail about you that I’ve forgotten.” Eren breathes out a nervous chuckle. “God, that sounded much better in my head but--”

Levi rolls over and silences him with his lips, softly, chastely in an unspoken ‘I love you too.’

“Levi,” Eren breathes out, fingers ghosting over Levi’s undercut. The look in Eren’s eyes pulls him closer and Levi kisses him again. He kisses him deeply, and the slow press of his tongue against Eren’s bottom lip draws out a soft gasp. He takes the opportunity to probe further as he feels Eren melt beneath him, hands knotting themselves in Lev’s hair to pull him in closer and closer. This isn’t the first time they’ve kissed like this, all teeth and tongues and swollen lips, but Levi kisses Eren now as if it’s two centuries ago and as if one of them could be ashes the next day. They pull away gasping for breath, and Levi tucks a strand of hair behind Eren’s ear, following muscle memory from when he had quietly confessed in those hallways and the language of flowers had spoken volumes more than his words.

“Vergissmeinnicht.” Eren’s eyes snap open the moment the word leaves his own mouth, surprised that he said it.

“Vergissmeinnicht,” Eren repeats, eyes feverish this time and the set of his brow determined. He pushes Levi down and captures his lips first this time, the word still fresh on his tongue.

“Levi,” he pants out, fingers grasping at the buttons of Levi’s shirt, “Help me remember. Everything.” He trails kisses down Levi’s jaw, nips at the tendons in his neck, marks his collarbones in his fervor with each muffled noise spurring him on.

“Touch me, Levi,” Eren’s voice is low and ragged in his ear, moving to straddle the older. “Every time you touch me I remember something a little more, I can’t explain it, it’s like deja vu. Please, Levi.”

Eren slides his hand down to work at Levi’s zipper but he catches the boy’s wrist before he can do more.

“If you’re doing this just so you can remember our past lives, drop it.” Levi’s voice is steely. Give him a few centuries without Eren by his side and he’s become this easy to distract. Levi grits his teeth. There was a reason why he trudged through those centuries without him, why his dying wish was to meet again, and that was so Eren could live a life without pain. Remembering each and every life, in particular their first life together no matter how in love they were back then, would be counterproductive.

But wasn’t this a paradox in itself? He had lived for so long to meet Eren once again in a kinder world, but his very being was a physical reminder of their past.

“Levi,” Eren’s voice cuts through his reverie. “Levi, look at me.” His tone is gentle, but firm.

Levi doesn’t need to look; he already knows what is there. He knows that those sea-green eyes are going to burn with determination, wordlessly stubborn. There is no one in this world that can break Eren’s will, true two thousand years ago and true even now.

But as always, he caves in, and his vision is flooded by cerulean.

“I meant it when I said I wanted to love every iteration of you. I know the past holds lots of painful memories, but even then I want to know. I don’t need to be protected Levi, you know I won’t break. If I could live through those events once, I can live through them a second time as memories.”

“So please,” Eren takes a deep breath, exhale ghosting over Levi’s lips, “please help me remember.”

A stagnant pause passes, before Levi glances away briefly and schools his expression. “The memories between us aren’t all fun and sunshine and shit, you know? We’ve been enemies more often than not, and I have killed you countless times. Are you absolutely sure of this?”

“Yes,” Eren smiles, eyes shining like moonlit seas. “Nothing in the past can change the fact that I love you.”

At those three words, Levi’s neutral mask melts away along with the tension in his shoulders. He reaches for Eren’s dress shirt, tracing down the line of buttons until his finger lands on the second one. He’s careful to mimic each brush against the younger’s as if he were removing intricate and perpetually tangled belts. Eren’s eyes flutter shut, brow furrowed in concentration, and he tilts his head back. Levi is still cautious, watching each reaction as he brushes the shirt from Eren’s shoulders and lets it pool around the boy’s waist.

He doesn’t hold back, fully remembering the desperation and passion of their first night together as he languidly kisses down every smooth plane of Eren’s chest and abdomen, hands settling on the sharp jut of his hips. “Eren,” he breathes out.

Levi flips them around, and trails his hand down to cup at Eren’s erection. He maps the skin of Eren’s neck with his tongue while working at his zipper.

“Hurry,” Eren huffs when Levi inches his pants down, taking more time to kiss his way down Eren’s thighs.

Deja vu indeed, Levi muses before reaching up to flick the boy’s nose. “Be patient, brat.”

He can almost feel the candlelight on his back, the afternoon sun a similar vermillion.

\---

_“Corporal?”_

_“For you, Eren.”_

\---

Eren’s legs wrap tighter around his waist, hands fisting in the sheets beside him. “Faster, Levi--”

“Impatient brat.”

He thrusts deeper in response, reveling in the sound of Eren’s moans and the burn in his back as Eren claws proof of his ecstasy through his skin.

“Fuck, Levi, _Levi.”_

He bends down to kiss Eren and lets the boy nip and bite. He doesn’t mind the mess, the marks, the obscene sounds that fill the room at the moment. All that matters right now is Eren, gasping and moaning beneath him, breathing out desperate pleas or outright demanding for more, more, more.

\---

_“Do you know what they mean?”_

_“Corporal, I--”_

_“Eren?”_

_“Corporal, Levi-- I … I love you.”_

_“Eren--”_

_“I love you.”_

\---

Eren’s breaths grow more and more ragged as Levi thrusts into the him. His carefully maintained pace falls apart, thrust by thrust, Eren pushing upwards to meet him.

Eren pulls Levi down for one last kiss before choking out, “Levi, I’m gonna come--”

Levi pushes as deeply as he can before reaching down and jerking Eren off roughly, and they come together.

\---

They’ve made it past two thousand years of chance encounters and bloodied knives, outlived the walls.

Levi feels complete for the first time in his life after the walls, fingers locked together with Eren’s and haggard breaths sounding in unison.

“Levi, I remember everything now, I--” Before he can finish his sentence, Eren cuts himself off with a sob, hastily muffling himself with the back of his hand.

Levi kisses his tears away and brushes the boy’s sweat-soaked bangs from his face.

“Fucking sucks, right?” He pauses. “I shouldn’t have--”

“No, Levi, I just--” Eren takes a shuddering breath, “I had no idea. You-- you had to go through this all alone and I could’ve, _fuck--_ ”

Eren’s fingers tighten around his. “All those split seconds I could’ve been reunited with you and I just missed you completely. It’s just, it’s just not fair that all these centuries I just wandered around cluelessly while you had to look for me and remember each time I died, I--”

He turns around to meet Levi’s eyes. “I’m sorry Levi, and thank you.”

Eren sits up a bit so he can give Levi a chaste kiss. “Thank you for waiting for me all these years.”

He’s not sure when the tears slipped down his cheeks, but Eren returns the favor and kisses them away. 

“I love you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit i am so sorry this is 4 months late. i could go on and on about college apps, finals, etc but in reality i kind of just lost my sense of direction with this fic.   
> but at last, it's done!  
> sorry for the ridiculously long wait for anyone following this, and thank you so much for reading this!


End file.
